The Daily Alien
"Strap yourselves in. Weíre going to warp speed," said Captain crash as the tiny ship hurled its way through the universe.
"Computer," queried First Officer rock, "Why canít you figure out the secret code? Itís only four English alphabet letters."
The shipís computer replied, "Thatís exactly the problemóand the evil beauty-of the whole thing. I can easily generate all the possible combinations for the code-there would be 456,976 to be exact, but we donít know which one of the combinations is the secret code-and you get only one chance to enter the code. If you enter the wrong code, it sets off a series of unstoppable events and the entire solar system is destroyed."
"But if we donít enter the secret code soon," said Captain crash, "the entire GALAXY will be destroyed by an invasion of evil aliens."
"So," said First Officer rock, "Computer, how do we find the exact letters and the exact order for the secret code?"
"For that," the computer answered, "you have to talk to the Slow alien in the fhf538 star system."
"Computer," commanded Captain crash, "set a course at once for the fhf538 star system. Warp speed ahead. rock, prepare to interview the Slow alien. Use the Daily Alien as your cover."
* * * * *
"Are you lookin at me? Are you lookiní at ME? Are you talkiní to ME?" The Slow alien was NOT happy with the arrival of rock on planet George Washington.
"Roger that!" rock replied. "Iím looking at you and I must say, youíre one of the finest alien specimens that Iíve ever seen."
"Who you calliní a specimen? Iím tallest, the fattest, quickest, hard, best alien youíve EVER seen. And youíre about to be toast."
"Actually, Iím a reporter with the Daily Alien and Iím here to do a feature on you. A creature feature you might call it. And I have a few questions for you. Now how can I stop you from toasting me and get you to talk?"
"Do you have any banana?"
"Well, no, actually, I donít," replied rock, more than a little puzzled.
"Ah...no...I donít usually...oh wait a minute. Hereís a stick. Is sugarfree ok?"
"Sure," said the Slow alien. I hate getting cavities. Everyone in my family does. We all chew sugarless gum. My brother on planet George Bush likes trident strawberry. He has a really nice cave there-everyone in my family has a nice cave. My cousin lives on planet Abraham Lincoln. She chews cherry trident and lives in a cluster cave. My uncle is on planet John F. Kennedy. He chews trident cinnamon and has a mobile cave, and my sister lives on planet George W. Bush and she only chews trident mint. They just remodeled their two-story cave."
"Uh, thatís very interesting. But letís go on with the interview. So, do you know about the invasion by the evil aliens?"
"Sure, and I have to say, for the record, that itís embarrassing to me that I share the name alien with such evil and soul-less creatures. Everyone in my family feels that way."
"You DO know that we can stop the invasion if we have the secret code, donít you?"
The Slow alien looked over his shoulder and stepped closer to rock. "Do you already have the doorknob of loud voice?"
First Officer rock lowered his voice. "Yes, Captain crash has obtained the doorknob of loud voice. Hereís a hologram of it."
The Slow alien watched the hologram and then said, "Well thatís it then. I will now give you the secret song and then all you have to do is go to each of my relatives on each of their planets and sing them the secret song. In return, each of them will tell you where to find a letter of the secret code and tell you which position it occupies in the code."
"Fascinating!" rock declared. "What is the secret song?"
"'Saturday in the Park'", said the Slow alien with a smile. "Now go quickly. You have an entire galaxy to save. And Mr. rock?"
"If I were you, Iíd be sure to bring along some sugarless gum. Even nice aliens can be unpredictable."
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